Wednesday 4th April
So here we are, two years down the line and at the end of my treatment. Although strictly speaking I continue to have treatment for the next 4 years as I am on Tamoxifen, however it is the end of my hospital based treatment.
The day itself was delightfully uneventful, although I have discovered that steroids do have some wonderful and hugely pleasing side effects. At this time of year I suffer from hay fever and last year due to a total lack of immune system did not suffer at all - hooray! Annoyingly, when my immune system recovered it didn't have the common decency to come back and behave in a normal manner, so this year my hay fever has been really bad with the world's itchiest eyes. I have to take industrial quantities of steroids as a pre-med to stop my immune system going into overdrive with the Herceptin, consequently my immune system also stops reacting to pollen!!! Hooray for drugs! I could put up with the fact that the steroids stop me from sleeping for about 4 days if it means that I get relief from the hay fever.
I digress. As I said the day and treatment were uneventful. I had the honour of being seen to by the matron, who can find a vein at 500 yards in the dark! So good is she that I didn't have to put my arm in a bucket of warm water.
On leaving the unit I was hugged by all and sundry, which was nice. As I said to them I sincerely hope that I never see any of them again in their professional capacity.
So what have I gained/ learned over the past two years?
Never ignore lumps! Even though the lump that I found was actually a cyst.
Early diagnosis is the key to a good outcome.
I have seen the NHS at its absolute best. At no point during the two years have I ever thought "can we afford this?" "will my insurance cover this?" The staff have without exception been consummately professional and unfailingly good humoured.
I have realised what is and isn't important in the grand scheme of things. Whilst I hope to lead a slightly healthier life don't expect to see me running marathons any time soon. I can't run anyway, since I get slightly cross-eyed and trip over the pavement.
As I have said on many occasion, this is the worst thing that has happened to me but not the worst thing that could have happened to me.
I have been supported by friends near and far, and have been overwhelmed by the genuine concern from people I haven't spoken to in ages. Perhaps they thought they'd better contact me before it was too late! How often we put off that phone call.
Well that's it really. Out with a whimper rather than a bang.
Good bye and thanks for reading.
Love from
Corinne xxx
Friday, 6 April 2012
Sunday, 18 March 2012
The Non-Exclusive Club
Wednesday 14th March
It seems to me that hardly a week goes by without speaking to someone who has developed cancer. I have to say that I am very sad and annoyed that I am now a member of a club that is rapidly becoming non-exclusive!
To all of those who have to undergo the gruelling cancer treatment, you have my deepest sympathy and empathy as well as my heartfelt wish that all goes well and that you will be on the road to recovery very soon.
This was my 17th visit, only one to go! Hooray! It was remarkably uneventful and I was in and out within about 3 hours which is excellent.
I am so looking forward to not having to take copious quantities of drugs which might mean that I actually get to sleep a little better. Steroids do nothing for a girl's beauty sleep!
It seems to me that hardly a week goes by without speaking to someone who has developed cancer. I have to say that I am very sad and annoyed that I am now a member of a club that is rapidly becoming non-exclusive!
To all of those who have to undergo the gruelling cancer treatment, you have my deepest sympathy and empathy as well as my heartfelt wish that all goes well and that you will be on the road to recovery very soon.
This was my 17th visit, only one to go! Hooray! It was remarkably uneventful and I was in and out within about 3 hours which is excellent.
I am so looking forward to not having to take copious quantities of drugs which might mean that I actually get to sleep a little better. Steroids do nothing for a girl's beauty sleep!
Sunday, 26 February 2012
The Old Hand
Wednesday 22nd February
Well I really am in the home straight now - hooray! Number 16 only two left after this!
The funny thing is that my perception is that the gap between sessions is growing. I had to check the date several times because I felt that there had been much more than 3 weeks elapsed since number 15! Interestingly Terry thinks the gaps are getting shorter. Einstein was right, time is all relative!
So I arrive and have to wait in reception for a while. I get talking to this woman who had slightly suspect lymph nodes and then it was discovered that the cancer was everywhere! So a double mastectomy later she was awaiting chemotherapy. She was not impressed with the day surgery in as much as going home the same day was not for her. I on the other hand thought it was absolutely the best thing for me. Still I suppose it depends on what is awaiting you at home.
Anyway, I went in and got the all singing all dancing chair. I am apparently the only patient who likes them. I am weighed and have put on more weight. I have only another 6 weeks or so to use the steroid excuse for getting fat!
The nurse then ferrets about for a vein. Now I am on the slightly less toxic Herceptin they can use deeper veins. Clearly deeper veins don't show the bruises as easily because there is no evidence of my visit on my arm.
The woman next to me asks if I am on Herceptin and how many I have done. I tell her "yes" and that this is my 16th round. She is on her first and asks, not unreasonably if there are any side effects. I tell that for me, apart from my fingernails turning to butter and my face becoming very hot, red and itchy the following day, that "no" there are few if any side effects. I then I remember my first session and mention in passing the massive allergic reaction I had. She looks slightly startled, but then I did point out that I was exceptionally unusual and that perhaps I shouldn't have told her that!
I feel like a real old hand now and see new people coming and going. There was one man there who was having his last session. I felt a pang of envy but know that I too have not long to wait. He said that whilst he would miss the staff and other patients he would not miss the needles at all. Not surprising really as they took four attempts to find a vein.
Well I really am in the home straight now - hooray! Number 16 only two left after this!
The funny thing is that my perception is that the gap between sessions is growing. I had to check the date several times because I felt that there had been much more than 3 weeks elapsed since number 15! Interestingly Terry thinks the gaps are getting shorter. Einstein was right, time is all relative!
So I arrive and have to wait in reception for a while. I get talking to this woman who had slightly suspect lymph nodes and then it was discovered that the cancer was everywhere! So a double mastectomy later she was awaiting chemotherapy. She was not impressed with the day surgery in as much as going home the same day was not for her. I on the other hand thought it was absolutely the best thing for me. Still I suppose it depends on what is awaiting you at home.
Anyway, I went in and got the all singing all dancing chair. I am apparently the only patient who likes them. I am weighed and have put on more weight. I have only another 6 weeks or so to use the steroid excuse for getting fat!
The nurse then ferrets about for a vein. Now I am on the slightly less toxic Herceptin they can use deeper veins. Clearly deeper veins don't show the bruises as easily because there is no evidence of my visit on my arm.
The woman next to me asks if I am on Herceptin and how many I have done. I tell her "yes" and that this is my 16th round. She is on her first and asks, not unreasonably if there are any side effects. I tell that for me, apart from my fingernails turning to butter and my face becoming very hot, red and itchy the following day, that "no" there are few if any side effects. I then I remember my first session and mention in passing the massive allergic reaction I had. She looks slightly startled, but then I did point out that I was exceptionally unusual and that perhaps I shouldn't have told her that!
I feel like a real old hand now and see new people coming and going. There was one man there who was having his last session. I felt a pang of envy but know that I too have not long to wait. He said that whilst he would miss the staff and other patients he would not miss the needles at all. Not surprising really as they took four attempts to find a vein.
Thursday, 2 February 2012
Home Straight and More Bad News
Wednesday 1st February
Firstly let me assure you that the bad news does not relate to me. I was going to title this entry "Home Straight and More Bloody Cancer" but I thought that might put some of my readers into a bit of a tail spin.
I have now completed 15 rounds of Herceptin and have only another 3 to go - hooray! Apart from taking 3 attempts to find a vein my visit went off smoothly and uneventfully. However the unit was understaffed due to one bad back, a migraine which necessitated a visit to A & E and a broken ankle. I am beginning to think that perhaps the inmates are in a slightly better state of health than the staff!
As for the bad news my oldest friend, or rather the friend I have known the longest (as I have many friends who are way older) had a birthday party in January. She took me to one side and told me that she too has breast cancer. It would appear that she will have to only (and I use that word carefully) have to undergo a lumpectomy followed by radiotherapy. I wrote to her the following day and I have to say it was the hardest letter I have had to write. It was difficult to tell her what she can expect without coming across as completely doom laden. As I said cancer is not a battle but a long, hard and boring slog which has to be endured.
The thing that surprised me the most was that I was considerably more upset and annoyed that she has cancer than I was when I was diagnosed. I couldn't quite work out why at first and then it struck me. Up until this point I was labouring under the complete misapprehension that since I had "done" breast cancer that was it. It wouldn't have to be dealt with again by anyone, which I realise is completely mad.
Cancer will always be there but hopefully the remedies and survival rates will continue to improve.
Firstly let me assure you that the bad news does not relate to me. I was going to title this entry "Home Straight and More Bloody Cancer" but I thought that might put some of my readers into a bit of a tail spin.
I have now completed 15 rounds of Herceptin and have only another 3 to go - hooray! Apart from taking 3 attempts to find a vein my visit went off smoothly and uneventfully. However the unit was understaffed due to one bad back, a migraine which necessitated a visit to A & E and a broken ankle. I am beginning to think that perhaps the inmates are in a slightly better state of health than the staff!
As for the bad news my oldest friend, or rather the friend I have known the longest (as I have many friends who are way older) had a birthday party in January. She took me to one side and told me that she too has breast cancer. It would appear that she will have to only (and I use that word carefully) have to undergo a lumpectomy followed by radiotherapy. I wrote to her the following day and I have to say it was the hardest letter I have had to write. It was difficult to tell her what she can expect without coming across as completely doom laden. As I said cancer is not a battle but a long, hard and boring slog which has to be endured.
The thing that surprised me the most was that I was considerably more upset and annoyed that she has cancer than I was when I was diagnosed. I couldn't quite work out why at first and then it struck me. Up until this point I was labouring under the complete misapprehension that since I had "done" breast cancer that was it. It wouldn't have to be dealt with again by anyone, which I realise is completely mad.
Cancer will always be there but hopefully the remedies and survival rates will continue to improve.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
What A Difference A Year Makes
Wednesday 11th January
It is hard for me to imagine how different things were a mere 12 months ago! January 2011 I had no hair, was in the throes of chemotherapy and consequently felt like death warmed up only worse.
Now I have a full head of thick lush hair and apart from the overwhelming fatigue which results from the Herceptin, I feel fine.
My main gripe is that because I have to take loads of steroids prior to having Herceptin, my sleeping pattern for the week go completely haywire. I generally do not sleep for about 3 to 4 nights. It is very frustrating being this fatigued and tired and not being able to sleep. I can well see why sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture! The other side effect of steroids is that you tend to, and I quote one of the nurses, "blow up like a balloon!" Well according to the nurse I am doing very well as I appear not to have inflated as much as I could have. I am hoping that once I have finished taking enough steroids to fell a horse I shall start deflating.
This is my 14th treatment, only 4 to go. I didn't get the all singing all dancing chair this time, which is a pity as they have lovely wide arms upon which I can rest my phone, pen, drink, newspapers, lunch etc.
The general protocol for locating veins is that you start near the hand and work your way up. I tend to ask for the back of my hand to be left alone for two reasons, firstly there is little padding and the needle going in hurts more than anywhere else and secondly, because they have to use my right arm it means that I cannot do the umpteen crosswords that I bring with me. The nurses are all amenable to this request. So the next nearest vein is the one at the bottom of my thumb. The nurse this time had a good old go at it going backwards and forwards until she finally got it in. To say it hurt a lot is something of an understatement!
Anyway, everything after that went according to plan and I was all done in a little under 3 hours, which is good.
Over the past few months I have watched new patients coming in usually with their various relations in attendance. The one thing that they all have in common, is that whilst the patient looks, understandably nervous, the relations all without exception look absolutely terrified. I guess it really must be worse for those who stand and wait.
It is hard for me to imagine how different things were a mere 12 months ago! January 2011 I had no hair, was in the throes of chemotherapy and consequently felt like death warmed up only worse.
Now I have a full head of thick lush hair and apart from the overwhelming fatigue which results from the Herceptin, I feel fine.
My main gripe is that because I have to take loads of steroids prior to having Herceptin, my sleeping pattern for the week go completely haywire. I generally do not sleep for about 3 to 4 nights. It is very frustrating being this fatigued and tired and not being able to sleep. I can well see why sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture! The other side effect of steroids is that you tend to, and I quote one of the nurses, "blow up like a balloon!" Well according to the nurse I am doing very well as I appear not to have inflated as much as I could have. I am hoping that once I have finished taking enough steroids to fell a horse I shall start deflating.
This is my 14th treatment, only 4 to go. I didn't get the all singing all dancing chair this time, which is a pity as they have lovely wide arms upon which I can rest my phone, pen, drink, newspapers, lunch etc.
The general protocol for locating veins is that you start near the hand and work your way up. I tend to ask for the back of my hand to be left alone for two reasons, firstly there is little padding and the needle going in hurts more than anywhere else and secondly, because they have to use my right arm it means that I cannot do the umpteen crosswords that I bring with me. The nurses are all amenable to this request. So the next nearest vein is the one at the bottom of my thumb. The nurse this time had a good old go at it going backwards and forwards until she finally got it in. To say it hurt a lot is something of an understatement!
Anyway, everything after that went according to plan and I was all done in a little under 3 hours, which is good.
Over the past few months I have watched new patients coming in usually with their various relations in attendance. The one thing that they all have in common, is that whilst the patient looks, understandably nervous, the relations all without exception look absolutely terrified. I guess it really must be worse for those who stand and wait.
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Heart, Veins & Fingernails
Monday 19th December
I spent a pleasant morning at the hospital as I had 3 appointments, which were well scheduled in that I didn't have to rush hither and thither.
First was my heart echocardiogram. Once again the operator was behind me so I couldn't see the screen. The room is also quite gloomy, I suppose so the operator can see the screen better. Consequently the only thing to do is snooze. So half an hour later I'm all done and I proceed to my next appointment.
Second is the phlebotomy clinic, also known as the blood clinic. I still qualify for queue jumping which is really very handy. As per usual I warn the phlebotomist that she has her work cut out and that I usually have the needles they use on babies etc. How wrong was I! She says she can see a lovely big vein and uses a normal vacuum type needle. This is truly a milestone as it has been nearly a year since I have had my blood taken in this manner. Usually they have to use a syringe and literally pull the blood out of my arm. Clearly my veins are on the mend! Hooray!
Finally I go to see the delightful Dr. Denton, my oncologist. My appointment is scheduled for 11.30am I arrive at 10am. So I settle down with my newspapers and prepare for a longish, but anticipated wait. Whilst I wait only a couple of other patients are seen and each takes quite a long time. At a little before 11am she pops her head out of her room and says I should come in now as otherwise I'll still be there at lunch time. So we go through the usual questions of how I am getting on and if there is anything new or interesting to report. I'm getting on swimmingly and apart from the fact that my fingernails are disintegrating at an alarming rate everything else is tickety boo! I suspect that Dr. Denton quite likes me as a patient as I generally have little or nothing to report and am thus quick and straightforward.
Then off I go to the office, arriving there at the time I was scheduled to see Dr. Denton. Not a bad result overall.
Wednesday 21st December
The shortest day. Visit number 13. Only 5 left to go.
I arrive, as per usual, in plenty of time and get one of the electrically adjustable chairs, which I like even though, because they are quite high, I feel a bit like a three year old when sitting on them.
I am weighed and asked the usual questions regarding my breathing, heart, swelling etc.All of which are OK. I tell them that there are ECG and blood results to be had from Monday. All is well, in fact my heart percentage has gone up from 55% to 56%, and no I have no idea what that percentage measures exactly other than some kind of pumping rate/efficiency. In any event it is good. I should point out that I have done little or no exercise over the last few weeks, so clearly not doing stuff to boost your heart rate would appear to be a good thing for your pump efficiency. Then again I could be wrong!
The matron is my nurse of the day. She says that it is not necessary to immerse my arm in warm water. This is the first time I have not had to do this. She goes for the vein at the base of my thumb. It's not too bad but it is still bruised and although blood comes out the saline won't go in. So out comes the cannula and the search for another vein begins. I do have one stipulation and that is not the back of my hand. This is for two reasons, one it is one of the more painful places to stick a needle and two because they can only use my right hand it means that doing the crossword is really quite difficult. So lovely amenable person that she is she finds a location at the top of my forearm near my elbow. Now because she is the matron her time is always being called upon by doctors, nurses and all and sundry, so once the needle is in she disappears off to deal with a doctor. On her return she has to draw blood out and then push is back in to clear the cannula and vein before I can proceed with the various infusions of drugs. The rest of my session goes off without incident and I am home for another snooze by 1.45pm.
So that's it for this year. In comparison with last Christmas it is everything is looking rosy.
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas, and a Happy, Prosperous and Peaceful New Year.
I spent a pleasant morning at the hospital as I had 3 appointments, which were well scheduled in that I didn't have to rush hither and thither.
First was my heart echocardiogram. Once again the operator was behind me so I couldn't see the screen. The room is also quite gloomy, I suppose so the operator can see the screen better. Consequently the only thing to do is snooze. So half an hour later I'm all done and I proceed to my next appointment.
Second is the phlebotomy clinic, also known as the blood clinic. I still qualify for queue jumping which is really very handy. As per usual I warn the phlebotomist that she has her work cut out and that I usually have the needles they use on babies etc. How wrong was I! She says she can see a lovely big vein and uses a normal vacuum type needle. This is truly a milestone as it has been nearly a year since I have had my blood taken in this manner. Usually they have to use a syringe and literally pull the blood out of my arm. Clearly my veins are on the mend! Hooray!
Finally I go to see the delightful Dr. Denton, my oncologist. My appointment is scheduled for 11.30am I arrive at 10am. So I settle down with my newspapers and prepare for a longish, but anticipated wait. Whilst I wait only a couple of other patients are seen and each takes quite a long time. At a little before 11am she pops her head out of her room and says I should come in now as otherwise I'll still be there at lunch time. So we go through the usual questions of how I am getting on and if there is anything new or interesting to report. I'm getting on swimmingly and apart from the fact that my fingernails are disintegrating at an alarming rate everything else is tickety boo! I suspect that Dr. Denton quite likes me as a patient as I generally have little or nothing to report and am thus quick and straightforward.
Then off I go to the office, arriving there at the time I was scheduled to see Dr. Denton. Not a bad result overall.
Wednesday 21st December
The shortest day. Visit number 13. Only 5 left to go.
I arrive, as per usual, in plenty of time and get one of the electrically adjustable chairs, which I like even though, because they are quite high, I feel a bit like a three year old when sitting on them.
I am weighed and asked the usual questions regarding my breathing, heart, swelling etc.All of which are OK. I tell them that there are ECG and blood results to be had from Monday. All is well, in fact my heart percentage has gone up from 55% to 56%, and no I have no idea what that percentage measures exactly other than some kind of pumping rate/efficiency. In any event it is good. I should point out that I have done little or no exercise over the last few weeks, so clearly not doing stuff to boost your heart rate would appear to be a good thing for your pump efficiency. Then again I could be wrong!
The matron is my nurse of the day. She says that it is not necessary to immerse my arm in warm water. This is the first time I have not had to do this. She goes for the vein at the base of my thumb. It's not too bad but it is still bruised and although blood comes out the saline won't go in. So out comes the cannula and the search for another vein begins. I do have one stipulation and that is not the back of my hand. This is for two reasons, one it is one of the more painful places to stick a needle and two because they can only use my right hand it means that doing the crossword is really quite difficult. So lovely amenable person that she is she finds a location at the top of my forearm near my elbow. Now because she is the matron her time is always being called upon by doctors, nurses and all and sundry, so once the needle is in she disappears off to deal with a doctor. On her return she has to draw blood out and then push is back in to clear the cannula and vein before I can proceed with the various infusions of drugs. The rest of my session goes off without incident and I am home for another snooze by 1.45pm.
So that's it for this year. In comparison with last Christmas it is everything is looking rosy.
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas, and a Happy, Prosperous and Peaceful New Year.
Thursday, 8 December 2011
Collapsing Veins and Humble Pie
Thursday 8th December
I went to have my 12th round of Herceptin last week and it would appear that my last decent vein is slowly but surely giving up the ghost. A few days before this I had slipped down the stairs and smashed my right elbow in to the stairs. I did think for a short moment that I might have broken something, but fortunately not.
However, it occurred to me that had I broken my right arm this would leave no place to stick needles in. The nurse, expert that she is, did manage to stick the needle in my collapsing vein successfully. When I asked what she wold have done had I turned up with my right arm in plaster she mentioned something about legs and feet! I don't think she was joking, but I must tried to avoid breaking my right arm.
Yesterday I went to a different hospital to the physiotherapy unit for the pain in my neck. No not my children, they are the pain in my wallet!!! My neck pain I should point out is completely unrelated to my cancer or ongoing treatment, it's just the rest of my falling apart, slowly.
Anyway, whilst there I bumped into an old friend who I haven't seen in years. (I really must make more of an effort to keep up contact.) Well she has been suffering from lymphoma (cancer of the lymph system) and to cut a long story short, it took a while to diagnose as she did not display any of the typical symptoms. Upshot is she had in-patient chemotherapy, including spinal injections and because this is not a type of cancer you can operate on had to rely entirely on the chemo, which from the sound of it was very rigorous. She is currently in remission and is having physio for the after effects of the chemo and cancer, weakened muscles and the like.
Well, having spoken to her I felt unbelievably humbled by her experience and whilst I probably have a slightly better idea of what she has gone through than many of you, I can hardly begin to imagine exactly what she has endured. It makes my last year or so seem like a cake walk in comparison and I am beyond grateful that my cancer, diagnosis and treatment have all been relatively quick, straightforward and by and large, endurable.
Whilst I don't tend to like to play the Pollyanna Glad Game, every so often I think it is a good thing that something happens which puts my own situation very much in perspective.
I went to have my 12th round of Herceptin last week and it would appear that my last decent vein is slowly but surely giving up the ghost. A few days before this I had slipped down the stairs and smashed my right elbow in to the stairs. I did think for a short moment that I might have broken something, but fortunately not.
However, it occurred to me that had I broken my right arm this would leave no place to stick needles in. The nurse, expert that she is, did manage to stick the needle in my collapsing vein successfully. When I asked what she wold have done had I turned up with my right arm in plaster she mentioned something about legs and feet! I don't think she was joking, but I must tried to avoid breaking my right arm.
Yesterday I went to a different hospital to the physiotherapy unit for the pain in my neck. No not my children, they are the pain in my wallet!!! My neck pain I should point out is completely unrelated to my cancer or ongoing treatment, it's just the rest of my falling apart, slowly.
Anyway, whilst there I bumped into an old friend who I haven't seen in years. (I really must make more of an effort to keep up contact.) Well she has been suffering from lymphoma (cancer of the lymph system) and to cut a long story short, it took a while to diagnose as she did not display any of the typical symptoms. Upshot is she had in-patient chemotherapy, including spinal injections and because this is not a type of cancer you can operate on had to rely entirely on the chemo, which from the sound of it was very rigorous. She is currently in remission and is having physio for the after effects of the chemo and cancer, weakened muscles and the like.
Well, having spoken to her I felt unbelievably humbled by her experience and whilst I probably have a slightly better idea of what she has gone through than many of you, I can hardly begin to imagine exactly what she has endured. It makes my last year or so seem like a cake walk in comparison and I am beyond grateful that my cancer, diagnosis and treatment have all been relatively quick, straightforward and by and large, endurable.
Whilst I don't tend to like to play the Pollyanna Glad Game, every so often I think it is a good thing that something happens which puts my own situation very much in perspective.
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