What's Really Annoying.

Thursday 24th February

Hannah asked me the other day what were the worst bits about chemo, so here they are.

Throwing up - for obvious reasons

Food tasting like cardboard - this coupled with the vague feeling of nausea makes eating a real chore. Even water tastes slightly muddy. About the only thing that tastes like it should are Honey Nut Cheerios. Fortunately the cardboard taste tends to fade after a couple of weeks.

Madly fluctuating body temperature - I seem to spend my days either freezing, huddled up under a blanket with a hot water bottle, or throwing of clothes, blankets, duvets and the like sweating like the proverbial pig. I never feel comfortable, temperature wise.

Pain - my right arm feels as though it has been passed through a mangle. The pain from collapsing veins is akin to very severe bruising. Currently my wrist feels as is I have sprained is and moving my hand in any direction hurts. Given that I am very right handed, this makes doing every day things much more laborious, even putting washing in the machine hurts.

My body not feeling like my own - I have bitten the inside of my mouth more in the last six months than in the previous six years. I think this is down to the fact that the inside of my mouth, especially my teeth do not feel like I think they used to. This is also linked to the cardboard taste as food does not feel the same in my mouth as it used to. My body also suddenly stops, I can be walking along quite happily and then a sudden and overwhelming wave of fatigue will engulf me. There is nothing I can do to overcome this other than stop.

Dried up mucous membranes - in the morning before I even open my eyes I have to wiggle them around so I can open my eyes without much pain. I have to unstick my tongue and lips from my gums and drink some water to lubricate my throat. I think this lack of moisture may also exacerbate the dry retching as sticking my tongue out more than a couple of millimetres feels the same as sticking your finger down your throat. Also I have noticed that I appear to have been suffering from a mild but chronic nose bleed. I suspect this is because the inside of my nose, which is also now hairless, has so little protection from the elements that it is effectively "chapped".

Generally I feel as though my life and body are not my own. Everything has to take my treatment into account. I realise that this is all for my own benefit but it is a little wearing after a while. I am having a few weeks off from stuff at the hospital, although I have to go for two heart tests to make sure I'm well enough for the next stage of my treatment.

I am really looking forward to the end of my treatment, which entails another 6 to 12 months of intravenous herceptin, if only because I really am totally fed up with people sticking needles in my right arm!