Those of you who have being paying attention will know that I work part-time. In the world of cancer and fatigue this is a good thing as will become apparent.
Fatigue is not the same as tiredness or sleepiness. It can creep up on you slowly or waylay you like a lightning strike. The former is slightly easier to deal with as it gives you a little (a very little) time to find somewhere to sit or lie down. The latter is nothing short of debilitating. With this fatigue there is such a thing as not sitting down enough. I have often been sitting at the dining table and had to move to the sofa as sitting in an upright chair is simply too much effort.
In general I try to have an afternoon snooze as often as I can. Indeed I quite often plan my week around my afternoon naps. This is not self-indulgent but absolutely necessary. I have two full days a week in the office and have on occasion left a bit early as I have been completely knackered. Fortunately I have a very understanding boss, who clearly realises on those occasions that if I were to stay for the full day any work that I produce would be less than my usual brilliant output. But by and large, especially since I have stopped having the chemotherapy, I manage to complete my work days.
My other days are spent doing life. Hospital appointments, seeing my mother, having a social and family life, plumber visits, and so on. Some of these are relatively immovable, such as my lunch with my mother, although on those days I know I will get a snooze. The others I have to try to schedule for mid-morning so that I have to energy to deal with them. Evening events are do-able as long as I haven't had a busy day. Again it is all a matter of planning.
This week I went to visit a dear friend in the wilds of "up north" although technically I think she is in the Midlands, but it's north of Watford, so it's "up north". I had a lovely time catching up, sitting around chatting, eating, drinking and playing with her 3 new kittens. The drive there and back was not too stressful and was a little over 90 minutes each way and I stopped of briefly both there and back at the motorway services. I left at about 9am and got home at about 6pm. I felt fine. The following day I was in the office and apart from a slight post lunch slump I was OK. The day after that, I got up went shopping, had breakfast and then at about 10.30am I was beyond shattered. I decided that the only option was to go back to bed. Even sitting on the sofa was not restful enough. I slept soundly until lunchtime, got up had lunch, and went back for more snoozing. Only after my second snooze did I feel at all fine. I can only deduce that two days on the trot with no snoozing is likely to catch up with me big time.
It is obvious to me that were I to have a full-time job, I would have to stop working or at the very least reduce my hours considerably as I simply would not be able to cope. Work is necessary both from a financial perspective and a self-worth point of view. Having a part-time job not only gives my life some structure it also keeps me in the "real" world, away from a life of hospital visits, sympathetic looks, and being all-consumed by cancer.
Cancer, its associated treatment and its side effects are the enemy of spontaneity. Which is fine if, like me you are not inherently spontaneous, but even for me the rigours of planning my life can be a bit wearing.
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