Epiphany, Alarm Clocks and Unpredictability

For a change I thought I'd start at the end.

I had my treatment a little under a fortnight ago. Two days afterwards I was at a BBQ and I was on top form, not too achy, good appetite and not fatigued. It's amazing how pleased people were to see me, which was very nice. Two days later I felt as though I had been hit by a freight train and it has taken over a week to start to feel even vaguely normal again. The treatment before this one saw me on the 5th day in bed or on the loo. I'll leave the details to your imagination. The following day I was fine.

When I was on chemotherapy there was a total predictability about what state I would be in on any particular day. Day 3 in bed with the world's most painful knees. Days 4 to 11 general pain and achiness that gradually abated. Days 12 to 21 almost normal. This time round there is no such certainty which does make planning rather difficult. I hope that there will be some stability and certainty sooner rather than later.

My epiphany is related to my alarm clock. We have all woken up in the dark before our alarm clock has gone off. At this point we have a choice to either turn over and go back to sleep in the blissful ignorance of not knowing exactly how long it is until the dreaded alarm goes off, which in my opinion makes getting back to sleep easier. Or we can look at the clock and see exactly how long we have until the dreaded alarm clock goes off which then makes it a race to get to sleep as quickly as possible. It this scenario ignorance is definitely bliss. What has this to do with my current condition I hear you ask. Well, we're all going to die and most of us don't know when or how. Those of you who have not been told that they have incurable cancer have woken up before the alarm and not looked to see what time it is. I have seen the time and am desperately trying to get back to sleep before the alarm goes off.