My last post was, to say the least, a little on the miserable side. Well dear reader you will be pleased to hear that I am in a much happier frame of mind.
Nothing much has occurred to promote this mood I think it is just the swings and roundabouts of having cancer and its treatment.
As you can imagine death preoccupies my mind a lot and I ponder on whether part of what makes my current condition so irritating is the fact that I know I will probably die prematurely (although by prematurely I'm aiming for my mid 70s rather than my family average of mid 80s). Many hundreds of people get up every morning and never make it home. Is ignorance bliss in this instance?
I had my 10th treatment this week, which not only went without incident but also went extremely swiftly. I went on my own because my lovely husband was away on business in Amsterdam. At least this is what he told me! I did consider taking someone with me, but decided against it as it is mind numbingly boring and I would feel slightly obliged to "entertain" the person who came with me. This leads to the obvious conclusion that I don't mind boring the pants off my husband. Whilst this is partially true, he has signed up for the in sickness and health bit, so it goes with the job. Also we're very good at sitting in companionable silence and he doesn't feel the need to ensure that I am all right all the time, so he disappears off from time to time, usually to talk to work.
My general aches and pains are now very much a part of my life. As I said to the nurse during assessment, I feel like a fish and chip shop cod, lightly battered.
Whilst I would obviously rather not be doing this, I am finding that I can cope with the side effects quite well. So my new normal isn't really all that bad.
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